This is only a test

Just a public speaking test but I’m so nervous

I don’t know if I can do this

I don’t know if I have what it takes

to make you quake in your boots

or piss in your pants

Hell, I’m pissing in my own pants right now

I can’t look you in the eyes with my lines memorized

I don’t know if I’m much more

than a retail drone with a degree in the word

Spitting lines as a hobby, hoping you’ll like me

Will I say the right thing and end up on Ellen?

Or will I offend your delicate sensibilities

This is only a public speaking test

I’m no performance poet

I know it, you know it, that guy in the corner knows it

I’m not in this for the intellectual competition

I do it for mental masturbation

I write because I have to or I’ll explode

Do I really even have anything to say?

I’m a 20-something white chick from the suburbs

Divorced and on food stamps

I live alone with my cat and still work in retail

How could I possibly have anything to say

I do my best work in the shower

When my audience is rapt

And when I’m watching youtube videos of the poets I’d like to be

I imagine I’m about to write the poem that will change the world

Then I recite it to my shower wall, with all the right pauses and stops

and inflections and gestures

And then the shower’s over and it’s back to reality

I’m supposed to be a writer, you know, wittier than thou

I mean, I’ve got an English degree, shouldn’t I be, like, Jesus or something?

Just bloody fucking brilliant?

And then I realize I’m taking this way too seriously

I realize I’ve been so out of touch these last three years

So out of the loop

I’ve lost so much of me, or maybe it was stolen

buried or hidden

or maybe just stunted development

And when you can’t find yourself you can’t

find the words

But soon enough I’ll get back to it

And the words will come back fluently

I may make no great political, social or satirical statement

What matters right now is that you feel me

The real me

A lowly, comeback poet

Only human I must confess

Getting back to it with a public speaking test

Emo Emo whine

I won’t do a damn thing about my life

So I just sit in the dark and cry

Emo Emo Eyeliner

Emo Emo whine

I slit my wrists for attention from the scene

I slit my wrists and cry

I Confess my sins to the Dashboard

Chris Carabba loves me too

I play the part, I fit the part

I’m emo just like you

I Take Back Sunday with a Promise Ring

A Simple Plan to Save the Day

Next Thursday we’ll Panic! at the Disco

And I’ll be your Fall Out Boy

To find my destiny

Pick a future, pick a prize

It’s multimillionaire

Reach into the grab-bag

of feminine oddities

Reach on in, pull out a face

Display it with false pride

Take your prescriptions, please

The doctor tells his sheep

You must put on your masks and such

Lest the scorn and shame doth ostracize

Little children, lose yourselves

You must grow this disease

You must belong, you must be strong

So sell your soul to me.

Hey guys! Wanna see Dave’s pussy?

And he raised his arm and there she was

In all her clean-shaven glory. Dave’s twat was

Shaded and grooved, nestled right into his armpit

He whipped it out for anyone curious and sometimes

He’d get someone to lick it

****

Serenity in

Just three lines; impossible

No peace; time’s too short

*****

Dave has a twat tattooed in his armpit

That he’d shave every day and tell people to touch it

He showed me his twat

One night at the bar

And I told him I wanted to fuck it

*****

It danced the way she used to

Then was smothered, snuffed out, choked

The light burned in the ashes

Like the fire in her bitter heart

She used to sing, the flames would sing

When the rain would put it out

We all sat around and watched her die

Mourned a bit, then built another

Waiting for the next to die

Lit Class

“It sprouts from an acorn’s rough-textured seed.”

Sprouting? Seed? Rough seeds? What dirty thoughts are these

What silly lines to analyze

And that pretentious bastard! Feeding her ego

Chimes in her ‘sprouting seeds’ behind me

Still thinking way too deep, still analyzing Vonnegut

The professor of truth and gorgeosity

We’re writers, poets, students, artists

Down in Fraggle Rock

We’re fed the seeds, the seeds of truth

Sprouts of knowledge and acorns of fact

And we sit and consume, such silly little fools

Damonen, Geister, Schwarze Fehen

Footsteps in the dark, willst du stehen?

Zu spat, it’s too late

Down to the cellar, wir mussen gehen

Flickering candles, in the dark they wait

Sie beisst und kratzt, but don’t be afraid

Into the house, das Heimgesuchten

It hurts, Ich weiss, es tut dir weh.

untitled

the rain drums

out a love song

november rain

lovers holding

hands, raindrops

find each other

listen, love is in the rain

Manic fascination

Static palpitation

Craving that obsession

Slight infatuation

Trite perpetuation

Bright, shining domination

Bleeding that delusion

And this one I wrote in high school. A little emo, but still not sure how I feel about it. It could be pretty alright.

love is my addiction

a thirst that’s never slaked

a hunger never satisfied

the heroin so impotent

the needle digging, ever digging

mistaking pain for pleasure

my drug of choice is romance

my narcotic, gentle kisses

secure inside a false embrace

believing this is bliss

your faith in me, my coursing blood

your adoration, my glue

without your love, i wallow deep

in panic desperation

choking, suffocating

surrounded by your emptiness

an endless quest for your acceptance

i need your warm embrace

ever hungry, ever thirsting

ever seeking that release

love is my addiction

oh, that sweet release

He had a wargasm

I was flabbergasted

He didn’t support TWAT

We forgot the condiment

He gave me a bear

and then got bare

He was headless

I gave him head

He said buy-sexual

I said you blow me away

And one I wrote in Philosophy 101

Great minds wander

And come to perch, brooding

Over the answers to life

Misplacing the questions

In the dark chasms of their mind

Fluttering and twittering

Ruffling feathers and nerves

Floundering over that one

Little worm

Bones sinking

Spies come out of the water

The spies hide out in every corner

Yeah we do Yeah we do

Skin and bones turn to yellow

They shine for you and all the things you do

Don’t you shiver

I never meant to cause you trouble

You say you see straight through me

I saw sparks, cry, I saw sparks

In a haze, a stormy haze

Can anybody fly this thing?

My head explodes

And they were all yellow

I’ll be right there by your side

I’ll be loving you always

Just you try and stop me

This life is for living

And I don’t want to live it alone

Hoping everything’s not lost

I want to live where the sun comes up